Dalelands - Episode 11 'The Best Medicine'

Our party rushes to heal the cursed Val and strength sapped Joanna upon their return to town. The orb taken from the Tomb of Damara is passed into less ideal hands in order to keep our paladin safe on the way to the home of someone who will prove to be a valuable ally for our heroes. That night, the party makes it back to the inn just in time for the weekly Skull Crackers Pun Contest!

Transcript

SPEAKER_22 0:00

Thanks so much for joining us for episode 11 of our Day Lands campaign. Last episode, the players finished uh going through the Tomb of Demara. First, they fought with Bone Nasher, uh, who ended up being fairly easy and weak compared to the radiant damage that was dealt to him, wiping him out very quickly. They then continued through the Tomb of Demara, finding a Carrion crawler lurking inside the armory, uh dispatching that beast very quickly, and securing a plus one longsword and plus one shield that were decorated in this uh silver star fashion, um and then into the mine, where they had to deal with a gelatinous cube that swallowed up almost all of them uh but was quickly dispatched. After that, with the key in hand, Val walked up to Demara's tomb and opened it, opened this hidden chamber. You saw behind Demara, who was a full-fledged mummy, uh, was this orb of Demara, this floating, uh almost soccer ball-sized orb that or no, it's about six inches across, so more like a small dodgeball, I guess. Uh or a snow globe. Um a big one. Anyway, six inches across. Uh you saw the orb of Demara, which was giving her this magical power, uh, and she protected it uh or was trying to keep you away from it uh in some way. She tried to see what was up with you guys, was instantly shot down by Joanna um and proceeded to fight with hor with her two shadows uh protecting her as well. The shadows focused on Joanna, uh probably the weakest of the group, made much, much weaker. She was very close to being killed by the strength-sapping powers of the shadows. She now uh goes with two HP, or not 2 HP, 2 strength, uh this very gaunt version of Joanna, and a curse from the mummy was placed upon Val, who is at 2 HP now, and unable to regain hit points unless the curse is removed, and she will lose 10 in 24 hours. 22 now with that travel. Um you then secured the orb of demoral, which seems to want, seems to desire going in someone's mouth. Um as well as uh 500 extra gold that you found in that tomb and a spell scroll of fireball. You will be rewarded with a hundred gold each upon returning to Lady Solwood and completing this quest, but you have bigger things to deal with right now. You are escorting Val. Uh let's determine who's in what group right right now. Val and Hodge, I think, are together and Ike. Yeah. And then Orion and Joanna are together while Joanna rests. All she needs to get her strength back up is a long rest. Which is only four for you. Yeah. Um, so that is easily to take care of. Um you just need to get into a place where you can actually uh get into that meditative state. We're going to Solwood much more dire straits with the 2 HP. Hodge, put her on my back.

SPEAKER_00 4:43

Of course. Yeah, carry me.

SPEAKER_12 4:46

I will wild shape into a lion again. Uh use my last charge of that because I have a speed of 50 feet.

SPEAKER_16 4:53

Uh and I can't see there.

SPEAKER_12 4:58

Can I could I be able to carry Hodge on that as well?

SPEAKER_14 5:01

Is large?

SPEAKER_12 5:03

Um creatures, though. Strength is 17.

SPEAKER_22 5:06

I would say probably not because Val is pretty big and she's got heavy armor on. True. Okay. I will take her there. I can much faster. Sure. We did establish that you guys arrived in Shadowdale last time, so we already went through the with the travel. So you guys are in Shadowdale and splitting up the group with Joanna and Orion. You guys are headed to the inn, I would assume.

SPEAKER_16 5:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_22 5:30

Okay. Uh, and then the three of you are headed to the tower.

SPEAKER_00 5:35

You're taking you're taking Val, where she can. Hopefully, that lady has something for her.

SPEAKER_14 5:40

Yes, I'm certain ladies fullwood will have an answer for us.

SPEAKER_00 5:43

Okay, good.

SPEAKER_14 5:44

Some kind of solution. Val, you still there? The curse of the mummies. Overtaking her.

SPEAKER_12 5:55

I know we technically have probably a day, but I don't want to lose any time.

SPEAKER_14 5:59

Oh, she gets a splinter or something, she may fade away.

SPEAKER_12 6:03

In free so.

SPEAKER_22 6:04

And I will bound towards the towers of Shaba. Yeah. If if she goes down to unconscious, there's no way to get her back up. She can be stabilized. Yeah.

SPEAKER_14 6:15

But um Oh no, if only if she gets killed by the unless she rolls a Nat 20, I guess, while she's down.

SPEAKER_22 6:23

Um which group uh, unless you want to leave them to their own devices, is going to take the Silver Star family.

SPEAKER_11 6:34

Oh shit. I think we should.

SPEAKER_14 6:38

Or do they need to speak with Lady Soul?

SPEAKER_00 6:40

They can stay with us if they need to.

SPEAKER_12 6:43

Uh well, they were You could probably Hodge, you could probably go with them to the tower.

SPEAKER_14 6:48

Yeah, I'll escort them to the tower while you kind of run battle off because Lady Soul was like, go help the family, I think, right?

SPEAKER_12 6:54

Something about or maybe they have a space here, I don't know.

SPEAKER_14 6:59

Um I guess uh if they're with us, I'll turn to the parents. We were sent to aid you and your family by Lady Solwood. Do you know her?

SPEAKER_22 7:14

Uh a little bit, yes. Um would you like to speak with her? Uh I guess so, yes. If she was the one to send you on this quest, then uh I I would like to thank her for the rescue, of course. Um obviously you have bigger things to deal with than getting us there, so if you need to run out ahead, we can we can get to Lady Solwood on our own time.

SPEAKER_14 7:38

Yes, well uh meet us then at her tower, please. Sure, yes. Ike and I will head there straight away with our with our companion to attempt to heal her, but I don't want to take up any more of your time, but if she does send if she if she does send you off somewhere else, I just want to say our thanks uh for saving our family. Sorry about uh killing that guy in front of you, also.

SPEAKER_22 8:02

That is all right. We were just it was a bit tense. Uh so we were just afraid. We were just afraid that maybe you were not as good as you turned out to be.

SPEAKER_14 8:14

Appearances can be deceiving.

SPEAKER_22 8:16

Yeah. It was less about the appearance and more about war crime.

SPEAKER_15 8:21

Anyway.

SPEAKER_22 8:22

It's in the hero there. War crime. Well, uh, I wish you the best of luck. Yeah. Uh thank you. We're gone.

SPEAKER_09 8:34

Yeah, you're welcome.

SPEAKER_21 8:39

Like running away on the line.

SPEAKER_09 8:45

Exactly.

SPEAKER_12 8:46

Uh running like Aslan with Susan and what's her face? I don't remember. I remember. Peter was one of them. Lucy.

SPEAKER_15 8:55

Admonds. Yes. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_12 8:57

Running like I got Lucy and Susan on my back. Okay.

SPEAKER_22 9:00

Last battle. Uh you arrive at the tower. The guards see you, recognize you, they've seen you uh just yesterday. Uh or just a couple hours. I guess it was just yeah, just this morning.

SPEAKER_20 9:15

Um, yes, uh, head in straight away. Uh that's my companion, the lion.

SPEAKER_22 9:22

Yes, I I figured it was the druid. We need a healer now. Uh go inside. Um somebody who can remove curses. Lady Solwood, uh, she will know who to send you to, and she will reward you just in case you need to pay. Better not.

SPEAKER_14 9:39

Away.

SPEAKER_22 9:41

Alright. Uh, you go upstairs. Um Lady Solwood, we have the lion just like going up this spiral staircase. Uh you go upstairs and uh you see Lady Solwood just kind of sitting, having a meeting with somebody, uh, and then immediately upon you rounding the corner, seeing a lion with a almost dead paladin on top, Lady Solwood goes, I'm sorry. Uh what is the matter? Is everything alright? We need a healer now. Please. I healer. She's cursed. Yes. Uh a curse. Oh, okay. Um you said She looks at the the person she's having the meeting with. You said Storm Silverhand is in town right now. Yes? And the person nods, kind of looks at you and like in a shocked way, and just Yes. Uh yes, uh Storm Silverhand. Um Here I have your gold. Uh give it to me. Uh she grabs a Hodge. Yeah, she grabs all the gold, the 500s.

SPEAKER_16 10:50

We need a real 500 gold.

SPEAKER_22 10:53

I don't I can I don't know if she will try I I I don't believe she will. She is the Bard of Shadowdale, the kindest person I've ever known. But just in case, here is the gold that you were promised. Uh and as she walks up and passes you, she kind of slows. Did you a lion? Take something from the tomb.

SPEAKER_14 11:23

Ws. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_24 11:30

Whatever do you mean?

SPEAKER_22 11:35

Possibly an orb of some kind. I'll give Hodge like a side eye.

SPEAKER_14 11:43

We can discuss this later. Our friend thought she will fade away quickly.

SPEAKER_22 11:47

She's under the effect of the mummy's curse. Is just as important as that. You need to find a way to destroy that. If you have it, I feel it on you. We are aware.

SPEAKER_24 12:00

Storm can help you with that.

SPEAKER_06 12:04

Good.

SPEAKER_24 12:05

I don't want to keep it on me.

SPEAKER_23 12:09

That is good.

SPEAKER_24 12:13

Be off now.

SPEAKER_17 12:14

I saw something across Carter's.

SPEAKER_24 12:17

It glint in his eye.

SPEAKER_11 12:21

It's like I'm gonna destroy my stomach again.

SPEAKER_17 12:24

I definitely didn't try to put it on my hands right. I could help Condor.

SPEAKER_15 12:38

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_16 12:40

Okay, away. Hello.

SPEAKER_22 12:43

How much gold did we get? Uh you got 500 total, so a hundred for each person. Another hundred. Stacking up dough.

SPEAKER_12 12:53

406. 446. I'd be spending my gold. God damn. I'd be spending it.

SPEAKER_09 12:59

426.

SPEAKER_12 13:02

Um you all have like 20 gold. I don't know.

SPEAKER_15 13:06

I don't know what I put it in there.

SPEAKER_12 13:08

I don't know what where you got your fucking hundreds of gold from for rhyme, but everybody starts at 20. Or just say that. I fixed it.

SPEAKER_17 13:16

You don't read your text versus. I fixed it. No, I didn't.

SPEAKER_12 13:18

Did you? Yes. What did you fix it to?

SPEAKER_17 13:20

Like 50.

SPEAKER_12 13:21

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_14 13:22

What did you say she was? The bar?

SPEAKER_22 13:24

Uh the bar to uh she goes. Wait, I didn't tell you where she was. Um she has a farm just up north. Uh there's there's the farmland I'm sure you've visited.

SPEAKER_20 13:34

By the Druids Grove.

SPEAKER_22 13:36

Past that.

unknown 13:37

Okay.

SPEAKER_22 13:38

How many hours rise? Just an hour. Uh as a lion, maybe less, but uh to run, uh just about an hour. Hodge, I'm sorry. I have to leave you behind.

SPEAKER_14 13:46

Of course.

SPEAKER_12 13:46

Don't uh don't overwork yourself.

SPEAKER_14 13:49

Okay.

SPEAKER_12 13:50

Talk talk to her about the ore, perhaps, and come back for information.

SPEAKER_14 13:53

Yeah, for information, but I don't always point.

unknown 13:58

Don't die.

SPEAKER_08 14:00

Oh. I'll do my best. If I do die, you can have my gold.

unknown 14:07

Uh oh.

SPEAKER_14 14:08

Can you sign this real quick? I'll send someone to write something up for us.

SPEAKER_12 14:14

Uh I will send your IC servant with a tour effort farm.

SPEAKER_22 14:19

Okay. As fast. Just let me know when an hour passes. I would like you to make a perception check at disadvantage. Why? Because you are running. Like the windike.

SPEAKER_08 14:31

Can I make a perception check at triple disadvantage?

SPEAKER_22 14:35

You could make it at disadvantage, sure. Or help Ike.

SPEAKER_21 14:39

Or help him for a flat roll.

SPEAKER_08 14:43

Uh five. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_12 14:51

Seventeen. Okay.

SPEAKER_16 14:56

Seventeen.

SPEAKER_22 15:01

I'm so sorry. You see out of the corner of your eye three familiar goblins. Familiar. Those that you recognize from Pal Nickam's crew. Oh shit. And then as you look at them, you stop in your tracks seeing Pal and the Zentrum agent with a pistol aimed right at Val directly in front of him.

SPEAKER_01 15:42

What the fuck is wrong with you? I'm going da.

SPEAKER_22 15:47

Oh, this is great. This is just great. Do you stop? I I said you stop, but do you actually stop?

SPEAKER_14 15:54

You're in front of him?

SPEAKER_22 15:55

They s they step out from behind two of the buildings and meet in the center as you see surrounding behind you these three goblins.

SPEAKER_12 16:07

I yeah, I will stop if I'm seeing that he's pointing it at Val. I'll stand up taller so my head will kind of block her.

SPEAKER_22 16:19

You see the pistol is still trained directly at Val. And Pal Val's ducking mine.

SPEAKER_01 16:27

Um pull up the lion's mane so it hides me.

SPEAKER_22 16:33

Pal steps forward. I growl. Tall, thin, billowing cloak.

SPEAKER_23 16:44

You took something that belonged to me. A book. My book. I'd very much like it back. Well, I don't have it.

SPEAKER_22 17:00

Well, if you can't give it to me, perhaps we can find something of equal value. And what would be of equal value?

SPEAKER_12 17:14

Your friend? My friend's life equal value as a book.

SPEAKER_22 17:21

Not much life in her anymore, is there? I am trying to save it. So you best step aside. And what, you're going to take on the five of us yourself? No.

SPEAKER_12 17:36

I'm going to go past you so I can save my friend.

SPEAKER_23 17:40

A pistol is trained right on your friend as we speak. And yet you think you can get away so easily?

SPEAKER_22 17:51

I'd like to think so, but whatever that tool is. I don't like it. He continues stepping forward until he's about ten feet away. And then he stops. Losing for a second this confidence that he has. You do have something now of equal value, don't you?

unknown 18:23

Oh.

SPEAKER_22 18:26

I don't. Make a deception check.

SPEAKER_12 18:34

You gotta minus one of that bit. Ah. I am not looking at him when I say this. A little natural one.

SPEAKER_11 18:57

Zero?

SPEAKER_12 18:58

Yep.

SPEAKER_24 19:01

I can feel it. Whatever would you want with it?

SPEAKER_23 19:08

To study it. To sell it. Doesn't matter what I want with it. It matters that I want it. You have it. You don't have what you stole from me. Because I'm sure you gave it to Myrna.

SPEAKER_12 19:25

So why don't you go get it from her?

SPEAKER_22 19:27

She's long gone. You found me. I did find you. You made the mistake of staying in the very place you met her. You think that word of five new adventures in the dales wouldn't travel to my ears? Of course not. It was only a matter of time before we found you. Sticking out like a sore thumb lion running through the farms of Shadow Dale.

SPEAKER_15 20:03

That's home.

SPEAKER_22 20:06

Now. Zentrim have itchy trigger fingers, and I don't know how long I can hold him off. How far away is the Zent? 30 feet.

SPEAKER_14 20:20

Okay. That guy has an 18 PC.

SPEAKER_12 20:25

I don't I'm not going to attack him. I was thinking of something else, but uh he's too far away and it's not gonna work. I was thinking of uh jumping over him. So with a 10-foot running start, I can jump up to 25 feet. Pal's right in front of you, 10 feet away. 10 feet. Yeah.

SPEAKER_14 20:42

No attack of opportunity.

SPEAKER_12 20:43

10 feet, I would jump, but he's 30 feet away, so I wouldn't get much much past him.

SPEAKER_14 20:51

You could maybe run, man. I don't know.

SPEAKER_22 20:54

Now, if you have something of equal value that I don't feel on you, and if you really don't want to give up your friend. I have gold. Then I can take you. No. Leave her to fend for herself.

SPEAKER_09 21:10

No.

SPEAKER_22 21:11

I'm sorry. No. The life of my friend is not worth some book. I have gold. Hundreds of it. You think hundreds of gold is worth what you possessed or what you stole from me?

SPEAKER_23 21:26

Could be. I don't know. It's not. Sorry to say, druid. That's not how things work here.

SPEAKER_02 21:42

I might have something else.

SPEAKER_12 21:45

Yes. And I guess I'll have to unshape to pull it out because all the my equipment will kind of. So I'll do it gently. Yeah, refer refer to my original. And show him my Sylvan Talon Cimtar. This item has the ability to cast secret messages.

SPEAKER_24 22:18

Interesting. Where'd you find this?

SPEAKER_22 22:22

In the woods.

SPEAKER_12 22:23

I forgot I found it on a sand.

SPEAKER_22 22:26

Make a deception check.

SPEAKER_14 22:27

Uh it wasn't it was in the woods.

SPEAKER_12 22:29

It was in the woods.

SPEAKER_14 22:30

It was in the woods.

SPEAKER_12 22:31

On a dead body. I mean that'll help you a little bit. I picked it off of a of a dead body I found in the woods in our travels. I thought it looked interesting and thought why not.

SPEAKER_22 22:50

Nine. The Zent. Pistol still trained on Val steps around. I recognize that sword.

SPEAKER_23 23:10

That was my friend. Was it? He's been missing for weeks.

SPEAKER_12 23:16

I'm sorry to hear that. I didn't know it was your friend. Zent starts stepping forward. Was on if we came across the dead body and Yep. And at this point.

SPEAKER_22 23:29

Hodge. You're running through Shadowdale and you stumble upon three goblins. Azent and Pal Nickum. Surrounding Ike and Val. Pump the brakes. Do I notice him arriving? It doesn't seem like he wants to be noticed. Okay. Especially because you're faced the opposite way. Fine, if this doesn't interest you.

SPEAKER_12 24:02

Oh, it interests me. Well you can have it. If you want it, if you'll leave me alone. And perhaps. Perhaps you can have this orb. Would you leave us alone.

SPEAKER_14 24:20

At any point. I have had time to take a short rest during this uh journey. After now, I don't think so. Um fuck. The only thing I can do is some sort of illusion to try to um maybe give you a moment. Uh I can be like 90 feet away. Ah fuck. Um.

SPEAKER_12 24:50

You see me pull out the orb from my satchel.

SPEAKER_14 24:54

Um Pal's eyes widen. Is this woods? Or there's farmland that's open.

SPEAKER_22 25:01

It is it is farmland, so it's just like the road the farm roads. Yeah. There are two uh two small buildings on either side of the road that Powell and uh and the Zentrim were hiding behind and poked out of. But other than that, it's just farmland. I will tall farm?

SPEAKER_12 25:20

I will pick tall enough for the goblins to hide in. Okay. I will pick Val back up and hoist her on my shoulder. Um still holding the orb.

SPEAKER_14 25:30

I will directly on the spot that they are standing, like a voice emanate from that spot. I will say create an illusion in Myrna's voice. Um it'll say I'm not as far as you think out. Let them go, and the naphthalm may yet be yours.

SPEAKER_12 26:15

I'm scared.

SPEAKER_23 26:24

Hold. You say you'll give us the ore.

SPEAKER_12 26:32

Perhaps if you leave me alone and my friends. Because if we ever see your faces again, it will be on sight.

SPEAKER_23 26:45

Yes, it will.

unknown 26:46

Take the orb.

SPEAKER_03 26:50

Oh fuck.

SPEAKER_12 26:51

Where is Myrna? She did not tell us I her whereabouts. She said she was leaving. She could have been lying for all I know. And that is that is the truth this time.

SPEAKER_22 27:05

She just protected her voice. Did you not hear it? I did hear it. And I'm surprised as well. I thought she left. You see him motion for the goblins to go looking for her. Orb on the ground now. Pistol in his pocket now. You want me to give up all the leverage I have? Kind of, yes. Then you would give up your friend's life. Throw it at his feet. It thuds into the dirt. He kneels down, looking at you, picks it up slowly. He holds it up.

SPEAKER_23 28:03

He's gonna he's gonna fucking eat it. He's gonna put it in his hand. To be studied a bit further. Puts it in his pack.

SPEAKER_22 28:17

He sticks his arm out, kind of turning to let you pass. Pleasure doing business with you.

SPEAKER_16 28:26

Yes! He fucked up! It was so smooth. Say that one more time, pal. I didn't quite catch that.

SPEAKER_20 28:37

So smooth, so smooth. The magic is so strong, it's luring my speech.

SPEAKER_23 28:42

Pleasure doing business with you.

SPEAKER_20 28:45

There it is.

SPEAKER_23 28:46

Half ork.

SPEAKER_12 28:52

What is Powell? Is he just a human? He's a human. Okay. Classic human. The pistol is down at the side. Okay. Better be. I'll walk past him. Continue walking and give the soldier the other one the eyes as I walk past him.

SPEAKER_22 29:14

You see the soldier safeties the pistol while looking at you. Slides it back into its holster. Smiles at you, knowing that he could have taken Val's life at any second. Yeah, because if she would have dropped to zero, that'd have been it, right? Yeah, I thought so. The goblins are looking around, but not in the right place. So Hodge, you can sneak by if you'd like.

SPEAKER_14 29:47

Crawling through corn. Taking a wide berth, like all the way around. I'm like, never gonna fucking get there.

SPEAKER_22 29:55

All these wide berths. Uh as you are humanoid again, carrying Val. Quite a bit slower. Hodge is able to cap catch up eventually. I'm sorry, Hodge.

unknown 30:11

Okay.

SPEAKER_12 30:11

It was the oboe of Val's life. I know you would have done the same.

SPEAKER_14 30:14

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_12 30:15

I would have actually I hoped you would do the same. Yes. Of course. Good.

unknown 30:22

Of course.

SPEAKER_12 30:23

I'm sorry, I know you wanted to study it.

SPEAKER_14 30:26

Beyond my own desires to study it, it is exceedingly dangerous in his hands. I know. Whether or not it finally belongs to one of us. It cannot belong to him.

SPEAKER_24 30:40

I fear it very much, what it could be in his hands, but Val's life is more important.

SPEAKER_14 30:47

I agree completely. You did the right thing. Thank you.

SPEAKER_12 30:51

We'll get stronger, and if we face him again, I told him it'd be on sight. But we're almost at the farm here. We'll go back to Daggerdale once the ladies are healed. We'll go to Sullivan. Come back to Shadowdale and teleport us to Candle Keeper. Get him home. And get your 10,000 gold. At least. At least, yes, of course.

SPEAKER_22 31:26

And at this point, we cut over to bitch!

SPEAKER_14 31:32

We should have killed him.

SPEAKER_12 31:33

God, man.

SPEAKER_14 31:34

We might not have been able to.

SPEAKER_12 31:36

Yeah, by myself. Sure thing.

SPEAKER_14 31:38

Not at this moment, but back in the day. Fuck you, horse heist. This is Dallas mad at us for horse heist.

SPEAKER_22 31:45

We cut over to Orion and Joanna as you get to the old skull inn. As they are setting up for the skullcrackers. You walk in and you see the pun com just a bunch of people just like merry and happy, like not the typical Dale Lands, like standoffish. Like everyone's like setting up. They love this. This is like a once-a-week thing. It's like it's just so fun for them. It's all like what do you guys do?

SPEAKER_10 32:24

I think I'm gonna she's gonna try to like go up. She's gonna try to go up the stairs as coolly as possible. Like, I'm fine. Everything's great. I can't see my bones right now.

SPEAKER_12 32:40

Your legs don't even work.

SPEAKER_11 32:43

Yeah, and I can walk a little bit further. I don't think you can. He's just gonna pick her up. Okay. Up to this is embarrassing. Yeah, I know that's why I'm doing it.

SPEAKER_24 32:57

Do you need a hand?

SPEAKER_11 32:58

Nope. Apparently not. I'm fine. She's got some uh curtains to block out the light. Of course. Okay. Maybe some extra pillows or something. I can meditate in the country. She needs to meditate right away. I can meditate.

SPEAKER_23 33:16

She looks like she needs a good meal.

SPEAKER_10 33:19

I think she needs to. How are you holding her? Like, how are you over her shoulder?

SPEAKER_12 33:24

Fireman's carry.

SPEAKER_10 33:27

I got cars, but I'm not taking it.

SPEAKER_11 33:30

I got strength sex by Shadow. I'll be fine. Could could you uh see maybe in four hours Room service? Okay, I could have been around.

SPEAKER_22 33:46

Sure. Uh yes, we can bring some food up to you.

SPEAKER_00 33:49

Bring all of it. That's unnecessary.

SPEAKER_22 33:52

You s you see that before. Before she started talking, this guy was like, What's going on? Like, he thought something nefarious was going on.

SPEAKER_04 34:03

Oh.

SPEAKER_22 34:03

And then he hears her talking.

SPEAKER_21 34:07

That's why he's like, um is this really horrible thing happening right before my eyes? I should probably say that.

SPEAKER_22 34:14

And then no, she just got sucked by a shadow.

SPEAKER_01 34:19

I thought you were saying that. I said that she's a kids.

SPEAKER_02 34:38

That was good, but uh that was good.

SPEAKER_10 34:40

I was about to talk, and then I had like a flashback of the lily room, and I was like, yeah. Um no, I said she got her she's got her strength sucked by a shadow.

SPEAKER_23 34:52

Um yes, we'll bring up food and drink in four hours. None of that is nice. Rest well. Okay.

SPEAKER_22 35:02

Everyone is at this point, everyone has like stopped packing and like uh not packing, setting up and is kind of like I could have gotten upstairs without anyone.

SPEAKER_00 35:13

This is the worst possible thing you could have ever done.

SPEAKER_17 35:17

He's like loosely trying to like hit you.

SPEAKER_11 35:19

Just don't hit me, it'll make this little walking.

SPEAKER_00 35:22

Just start walking. I'm begging you to go up the stairs.

SPEAKER_22 35:25

Don't worry, everyone, it's all handled. And you go up the stairs and bring her into her room.

SPEAKER_00 35:31

Yeah. I could have done that with no eyes on me.

SPEAKER_11 35:36

Well, that's too bad. You live in alone, I guess. What?

SPEAKER_16 35:45

Whatever.

SPEAKER_22 35:46

Orion's saying that about himself.

SPEAKER_02 35:50

It's okay to make mistakes, Orion.

SPEAKER_22 35:55

I would pat myself on the back, but she's doing it for me.

SPEAKER_00 35:58

I would hit you harder if it wouldn't actually break all the bones in my hand. Try it.

SPEAKER_11 36:05

Put me down. Put me down. I'll put her, I'll put her down on her bed. Okay.

SPEAKER_08 36:10

And then trip onto the bed.

SPEAKER_12 36:14

Oh, there is only one that is.

SPEAKER_11 36:20

The devil works hard, but Becca works harder. Okay. This is gonna sound insane, and I don't mean anything by it. Is there one of those hotel cuck chairs in the room?

SPEAKER_21 36:30

It's just like a wooden chair.

SPEAKER_17 36:32

It's called a chair. How dark is it in this room?

SPEAKER_22 36:36

Um well if you are shutting all the curtains, it's it's still light outside. It's it's like it's evening, but it's still light. It's kind of like what it is right now in real life.

SPEAKER_14 36:46

Um dusk. Yeah.

SPEAKER_22 36:49

Uh soil it is still light, but it's not bright in the room. And especially if you are closing the curtains, then that it makes it pitch black.

SPEAKER_00 36:58

Alright. I don't need it to be.

SPEAKER_10 36:59

I'm not you. I don't need it to be pitched black in here. Okay. I'm just trying to get you to fall asleep as well as possible.

SPEAKER_11 37:07

Um, sleep. Well, good. Nice. Are you gonna sit here the whole time? Do you want me to? I don't care. She's gonna go do her chair. Like a guard dog. Like a yard.

SPEAKER_22 37:27

Make a constitution check to see if you can actually fall asleep.

SPEAKER_01 37:32

Okay.

SPEAKER_12 37:33

I think with a minus two strength, you'd be able to move pretty quick.

SPEAKER_01 37:40

Thirteen.

SPEAKER_22 37:44

Okay. You're able to get to sleep. Get into your meditation after about an hour of trying. So Orion is these five hours pass and it becomes about midnight. Well, we can we can go back if you do want to join the skullcrackers. But uh, it was actually a little earlier in the day. Well, she will have to rest. If she's choosing to do the rest now, she will have to rest the full thing. Yeah. Um in these, so she Joanna will unfortunately miss the skullcrackers.

SPEAKER_05 38:35

But Oh, it's the worst day ever.

SPEAKER_22 38:38

Orion. Uh what are you doing over the course of these five hours?

SPEAKER_11 38:43

Um, he's going to just sit out there and make sure nobody comes to disturb her. And he'll listen to the show, and as he's listening to the show, he's giggling to himself, and he's gonna write a few of his own puns.

SPEAKER_14 39:00

You have to read these skullcrackers.

SPEAKER_11 39:04

I'll write down one, and I'm real proud of it. Yeah, and he's also, um, I think he has his sketchbook on him. He'll he'll do some doodles and just wait.

SPEAKER_22 39:16

Okay. Are we gonna make it back in time for Skullcrackers?

SPEAKER_04 39:20

Um I think we will.

SPEAKER_22 39:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 39:22

Yeah, we should.

SPEAKER_22 39:24

Um cutting back to Val and the boys arriving at Storm's Farm. This is a rustic, warm homestead outside Shadowdale. You see herb gardens, vegetable plots, and the smell of something cooking. A pack of wolfhounds announce your arrival before you reach the door with their howls. Uh the door swings open immediately after you knock, um, and you see a woman. She looks to be about mid-40s with silver streaked hair, warm brown eyes, uh, and a big smile. She's practically dressed. Uh she's like a farmer as much as she is a mage and a brother. She she opens the door gently with a nice, gentle, and kind smile. Make a history check, uh, all three of you, please.

SPEAKER_06 40:31

I've been trying to pat the puppies the whole time.

SPEAKER_12 40:36

Uh fourteen. I think I wrong with her, yeah. Fourteen.

SPEAKER_08 40:45

Ten.

SPEAKER_14 40:48

Uh do we have any puppies left? No.

SPEAKER_22 40:57

I can you remember maybe reading a book that Leaf had um about Storm Silverhand. He might have Storm is their name. Yes. Okay. He might have mentioned her in passing as well. Uh in that they grew up together. She is a human and she looks like she's in her mid-40s, but she is almost a thousand years old. Holy shit. You know, all of you would know that the Silverhand, that Storm Silverhand is a chosen of Mistra.

SPEAKER_11 41:44

She is one of the She chose a woman?

SPEAKER_22 41:47

She is one of the seven sisters. Uh Illustrial is one of them as well for everyone here that did Eve of Ruin. She was in the She's like the main in PC.

SPEAKER_11 42:03

Oh, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_14 42:05

Yeah, we never covered that she was a chosen of Mestra, though.

SPEAKER_22 42:08

That is true. She was there for a reason, I guess. But you as soon as you see her, a memory floods your mind, uh, Ike. Uh and you know that you are going to be well taken care of. Oh, thank the heavens and all the gods.

SPEAKER_12 42:24

Storm Silverhand. Yeah, it's me. I've heard so much about oh, this is great. Uh my friend. She's cursed.

SPEAKER_14 42:36

I see that. The one that's smiling and waving.

SPEAKER_22 42:41

You look like you've been through the nine hells and back.

SPEAKER_06 42:44

At least seven of them.

SPEAKER_22 42:45

Uh uh. She raises her voice, but keeps that same kind of gentle tone. Yeah. Lula, uh, gets some water heating. And you see one of her kind of assistants uh goes and heats up some water in a bath. Um, you'll be alright. Don't you worry.

SPEAKER_12 43:11

You're in good hands, Val. Very good hands.

SPEAKER_06 43:14

Do you know her?

SPEAKER_12 43:15

I do, yes. That's none other than Storm Silver Hand. I've read about her, I've heard stories. Uh Leif grew up with her.

SPEAKER_14 43:23

Oh the Storm Silver Hands.

SPEAKER_23 43:26

Leif Briar?

SPEAKER_22 43:29

Yes. He's was my old master. You don't say I do. Oh my goodness. What a meeting. This will take but a moment. But I can lift it. Anyone cursed by evil deserves aid. No cost, of course. But after we're done talking, I'd like to know what left this mark on you.

unknown 43:59

Uh

SPEAKER_22 44:00

Of course. Sorry, after. Not after we're done talking. After she's done lifting the curves. I'd like to know what left this mark on you, and I'd love to hear what Leaf is up to. Of course, yes. She uh brings Val, she uh asks, can I take her hand? Of course, yes. She grabs you and She carry me. She carries you, yeah.

SPEAKER_24 44:28

Fuck yeah.

SPEAKER_22 44:29

Uh so gently. She uses a bit of magic to kind of float you.

SPEAKER_08 44:34

I like covertly try to feel her muscles.

SPEAKER_22 44:38

She's she's slightly muscular from being a farmer and just being this very powerful adventurer, but she she's assisted by her magic. Feeling I mean Goldberry. Um Boys, if you wouldn't mind waiting in the other room. Yes, of course.

SPEAKER_14 45:02

30-year-old man.

SPEAKER_22 45:06

I apologize. I was merely trying to Sorry. I can hear most things.

SPEAKER_14 45:13

Okay. You are our host.

SPEAKER_23 45:15

I I don't mean to eavesdrop, I apologize. It's for lack of a better term, my curse. Anyway, let's get to the real one.

SPEAKER_16 45:26

Too soon.

SPEAKER_23 45:27

Um Val, if you wouldn't mind taking off your armor, I can assist you.

SPEAKER_08 45:33

Okay, okay. Um, you know.

SPEAKER_14 45:37

I didn't think it was a little bit more. She makes me hear that as the door goes, and I'm like my nose start to bleed.

SPEAKER_16 45:48

Comeose yourself, man.

SPEAKER_22 45:54

Um she ushers you into the bath and then she places her hand right above the water. And over ten minutes casts a remove curse spell over you. Her gentle rhythmic voice of reciting this spell and the kind of slow what's up? He just made faces like I don't know.

SPEAKER_14 46:28

Hand over the water, gentle rhythmic. I'm like, you fucking jerking Val. Jeez.

SPEAKER_08 46:36

That's how it works. I don't know. I don't know how to help you.

SPEAKER_22 46:42

Um these kind of soft, warm waves kind of surround you in this bath as you're you almost kind of fall asleep, and it's like so relaxing. And as you do close your eyes, you see something. A massive shape in darkness. Scales that catch no light, gales, a crashing sound like a mountain falling and burning. Something old. And you look and you see the shadow of a dragon. Swallowing a stone and screaming. Oh my god. And you open your eyes, you look, and Storm looks at you. She's she's kind of stopped moving the water. Are you okay?

SPEAKER_08 47:58

Uh it's all something, I thought. Were you doing that?

SPEAKER_23 48:04

No. What what was it that cursed you? I f I felt it.

SPEAKER_08 48:12

Oh, it was a mummy of a person called Demara?

SPEAKER_22 48:21

Her eyes widened.

SPEAKER_23 48:27

You're sure it was Demara?

SPEAKER_07 48:32

That's what she said her name was.

SPEAKER_24 48:37

You don't have the orb, do you?

SPEAKER_07 48:44

No, we um it fell out of our hands on our way here, unfortunately.

SPEAKER_23 48:52

Um fell out was it given to someone?

SPEAKER_08 49:01

Not willingly. We ran into some trouble along the way. A man called Pal Nickum.

SPEAKER_24 49:10

I haven't heard the name.

SPEAKER_22 49:15

Is he a nobody? Yes. Is he trustworthy to is this a friend of yours?

SPEAKER_07 49:24

No. He is far from trustworthy, unfortunately.

SPEAKER_23 49:28

That orb, I cannot emphasize this enough, cannot stay with him.

SPEAKER_22 49:40

That orb is not a treasure. It is a burden. I see your face card.

SPEAKER_23 49:51

Whoever whoever carries that thing needs to understand what they're holding.

SPEAKER_06 50:01

What is it?

SPEAKER_23 50:06

It is a corruption. I felt a great power, something that felt like a dragon. Is that what you saw in your vision?

SPEAKER_07 50:26

Yes, a very large black dragon, I believe.

unknown 50:30

Black.

SPEAKER_22 50:30

Black. Was it a shadow or was the dragon actually black?

SPEAKER_07 50:37

There was a shadow. It was a shadow.

SPEAKER_24 50:41

Okay. That's all right. You've been through a lot today.

SPEAKER_22 50:55

It's been some time since I've studied Tamara, and uh I will probably need to check my work, but I believe that Tamara tried to turn themselves into a dragon and failed.

SPEAKER_03 51:17

What the hell?

SPEAKER_22 51:18

That's so scary. And then sealed themselves in a tomb never to be disturbed, so that nobody else would be able to reach this great evil that they created themselves. So, I don't know how you got in that tomb.

SPEAKER_23 51:38

I don't know what you said to Demara.

SPEAKER_22 51:44

But whatever happened, whyver she cursed you, whatever you've done with this orb, you must get it back.

SPEAKER_23 51:52

And you must. I would say bring it to me, but it is a great power that is hard to resist.

SPEAKER_22 52:11

If this is in the hands of this man that you do not respect, I do not want to know what his desire will put him through.

SPEAKER_23 52:26

You must keep it contained if you are to get it back. Do not let one person carry it for too long. Share the burden.

SPEAKER_17 52:36

Share the load.

SPEAKER_22 52:41

If you are able to find a dragon foolish enough that you can convince it to swallow the orb, that is the only way I can think of as to destroy it.

SPEAKER_07 53:04

What? What happens to the dragon who swallows it?

SPEAKER_23 53:09

That is why I mentioned a foolish dragon. It will die.

SPEAKER_22 53:16

Much like what I think you saw in your vision.

unknown 53:21

Whoa.

SPEAKER_03 53:23

Well foolish itings.

SPEAKER_07 53:26

Okay. Suppose we shouldn't try to get that medicine.

SPEAKER_22 53:33

Before you leave the bath. I've got something about I sense something deeper.

SPEAKER_23 53:45

Another sort of curse on you. Are you aware of this? If you don't want to speak about it, that is alright.

SPEAKER_22 53:57

But when you are ready to discuss it, if you are ready to discuss it, this is not something that I can remove with a spell. But I have deep connections with the harpers.

SPEAKER_23 54:14

And they can assist you as much as I can. I will be your greatest ally and advocate to get this removed. I am not a fan of this monster that you are tied to. So come to my farm whenever you need help. And I will point you in the right directions.

SPEAKER_08 54:45

That's very kind. I will definitely be back.

SPEAKER_22 55:03

Vengeance, is it?

SPEAKER_07 55:06

It is. I want to um like it.

SPEAKER_08 55:16

What I sorry like forgetting everything right now. Um yeah.

SPEAKER_07 55:27

Basically just to right the wrongs in the world that I see.

SPEAKER_23 55:34

Yes. But you want vengeance against these people that seek to control you, do you not?

SPEAKER_06 55:43

Yes.

SPEAKER_23 55:46

Then let me just give you a word of advice.

SPEAKER_22 55:52

Vengeance without wisdom becomes cruelty. Sometimes the best revenge is building a life they can't touch. And we can help you with that. Let's get you out of the bath. Let's get you dry. You've had a long day. And you need to have a bit of rest. I would assume.

SPEAKER_06 56:29

That would be lovely.

SPEAKER_22 56:31

Uh her assistant comes over and helps you out of the bath and gives you uh a fresh set of clothes from Storm herself.

SPEAKER_15 56:41

Hmm.

SPEAKER_22 56:43

You don't need to be lugging around that armor the rest of this day.

SPEAKER_07 56:48

Not inside, I don't think so. Cash off my muscles.

SPEAKER_23 56:52

Let's go check on let's go check on the mat.

SPEAKER_08 56:55

On the boys, shall we? He's pouting in the corner.

SPEAKER_22 57:06

What was your name? I got to go. She reaches out her hand to kind of gently shake it. The pleasure is mine.

SPEAKER_23 57:21

Any friend of a friend of mine. So how is he doing?

SPEAKER_24 57:31

He passed over the winter in his sleep. Oh, he was very old.

SPEAKER_12 57:40

Even for such as the likes of him. But over the last six years, he took me under his wing. I found him. Led by the Moon Maiden's grace.

SPEAKER_24 57:53

And her light led me to his farm. And he taught me everything I know. So you follow in his footsteps? I do the best I can.

SPEAKER_03 58:05

Yes.

SPEAKER_23 58:09

Those are good steps to follow. I'm sure he set you straight before he got the he went away. He did, yes. He did. His farm is being taken care of, I assume.

SPEAKER_24 58:28

Yes, the seeds have got it under control. And what are you here for?

SPEAKER_22 58:40

Uh, to save my friend, for one. Ah. I didn't mean here my home.

SPEAKER_23 58:45

I meant why so far away from home.

SPEAKER_12 58:51

I have business I need to take care of. And write. But I hadn't the strength to do it then. And I'm looking to get that strength now so I can deal it out the right way.

SPEAKER_23 59:11

You seem like someone who's. But you seem a bit lonely.

SPEAKER_22 59:28

For a druid. You have friends, of course, but you haven't joined a circle.

SPEAKER_12 59:42

For myself I have. But I don't know other druids in this circle.

SPEAKER_23 59:50

I can point you in the right direction. The moon, is it not? It is, yes.

SPEAKER_22 59:58

Plenty in the area. I know some great druids. Friends of mine, or friends of leafs, even. It would be good to know that they are there.

SPEAKER_23 1:00:17

This life that you've chosen, or that has chosen you, however you see it, especially in search of whatever you're in search of, is made much easier with a group of like-minded people.

SPEAKER_22 1:00:44

But if you think your friends are enough, don't let me pressure you into a truth circle that you don't want to be a part of.

SPEAKER_12 1:00:56

I am happy where I am. My four friends that I have found, and we've all found each other, are just about everything I need.

SPEAKER_22 1:01:12

All I could ever want. I'm sure Leaf is looking down on you with such pride. I would hope so. Probably the only time he ever got to look down on you. That is very true, yes. If you need my help, if you ever search for something larger than what you have, just let me know. I will. Thank you. And you, sir. I didn't get your name. Such a family name.

SPEAKER_14 1:02:05

Have you heard of before?

SPEAKER_22 1:02:10

Yes. Too long ago.

SPEAKER_14 1:02:19

Wasn't this conjure in my illusion of a painting of what my brother looks like? Maybe a bit older. I haven't seen him in some time.

SPEAKER_23 1:02:33

It's the very same. Oh, this is great news.

SPEAKER_14 1:02:39

Yes, it is great news, but what business did he have with you? Did he stop here intentionally? He spoke with you. You spoke with him.

SPEAKER_22 1:02:49

Very briefly, yes.

SPEAKER_14 1:02:51

What did he want? Where was he going? Please. I've been looking for him.

SPEAKER_23 1:02:56

I um I cautioned him. He I saw a hunger in his eyes that I see in yours as well.

SPEAKER_22 1:03:12

He was looking for your father, which I presume you are as well. He seemed to think Myth Draener was the answer.

SPEAKER_23 1:03:29

And he sought my advice on what he might find in there, what he can prepare, what spells he needed. And I gave him the same advice that I'll give you. That knowledge is a tool. But tools can cut your own hand as easy as your enemy's.

SPEAKER_22 1:04:06

Going into Myth Draner. In search of your father as a valiant and heroic and admirable quest. But I saw that he wanted more than just to find his father. He wanted this forbidden magic that was there as well. I see.

SPEAKER_15 1:04:40

Thank you.

SPEAKER_14 1:04:44

Words of advice. It seems myself and the rest of us, our other friends, Ike, Val, and I, two others who are not here are being steered towards Mr. Anna by some forces that we do not fully yet understand.

SPEAKER_22 1:05:08

It seems that we must go there now. I would be cautious. I was there when it fell. It was not pretty. We tried to stop it. But it is a land of powerful magic. That is true. Powerful magic that has been so corrupted.

SPEAKER_14 1:05:50

I appreciate your concern. I do. Uh to us, or to you rather, the we must think children. With your great age. I know my wisdom ages. Uh but would you stop the child learning to walk for fear that it may fall? Or is that not part of the process?

SPEAKER_22 1:06:20

It certainly is.

unknown 1:06:21

Yes.

SPEAKER_22 1:06:23

But if that child is holding scissors, naughty look in their eyes.

SPEAKER_14 1:06:31

Yes.

SPEAKER_12 1:06:32

Of course.

SPEAKER_14 1:06:33

Of course.

SPEAKER_12 1:06:34

I give him a little a little nudge on his arm.

SPEAKER_14 1:06:38

The blades in your hand. That's what I remember from grade school. Yes.

SPEAKER_22 1:06:46

I am merely here to advise you not to run with scissors. But if you think there is knowledge that you may want or need, I am generous with sharing.

SPEAKER_23 1:07:18

You just have to come to me with a level head.

SPEAKER_14 1:07:24

I think I may take you up on that offer. Another night. You see, there is a ton contest. We simply must be getting back to and also our friend was debilitated greatly during that fight with Domara as well, and we should be checking for her.

SPEAKER_23 1:07:48

I see. I wish I was allowed to participate in the Skullcrackers, they won't let you?

SPEAKER_22 1:07:59

Too funny.

SPEAKER_15 1:08:00

Too funny.

SPEAKER_22 1:08:02

I've won it hundreds of times. They don't call me the Bod of Shadowdale for nothing. Oh, fantastic.

SPEAKER_08 1:08:11

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_22 1:08:13

You go and have fun.

SPEAKER_24 1:08:16

Thank you.

SPEAKER_12 1:08:18

I do have two small questions for you. The druids grow, there's a teleportation circle. Can only druids control the teleportation? Or can anyone use it?

SPEAKER_24 1:08:33

Only druids can send it. But anyone can activate it. As long as you know the right way.

SPEAKER_12 1:08:46

Perhaps Solomon could take himself, then hard. We need not go with him necessarily.

SPEAKER_14 1:08:55

We'll never see him again if we let him go without an escort. He owes us money.

SPEAKER_12 1:09:02

Yes, yes, yes, that's true. And there was in a town before on the way to the desert. In a lake, I was fishing and pulled out the components for a spell. Leaf had apparently left it there. And I I don't understand why he would leave that in a lake.

SPEAKER_22 1:09:38

I'm sure you know how sentimental Leaf was in life. Yes.

SPEAKER_12 1:09:44

I thought it might be some memento of his travels, I guess, and in his own way. That was my first thought. Then again, he sometimes those things were regretted and doesn't tell anyone.

SPEAKER_22 1:11:08

When someone came along that was better than him. Come on, man. I see.

SPEAKER_23 1:11:19

And he waited and waited and waited at that little farm of his. But he didn't always stay at the farm. Sometimes he would venture out.

SPEAKER_22 1:11:35

Sometimes he would leave little trinkets for that person to find along the way. I knew it, I passed it. Just to make sure they know they're on the right path. I don't know what to say. You need not say anything.

SPEAKER_12 1:12:08

Yeah, he's just sitting there, kind of staring at the floor, like absolutely speechless.

SPEAKER_23 1:12:20

I'm so happy to meet the one that could finally live up to his expectations.

SPEAKER_22 1:12:26

And I hope that our friendship lasts as long as mine with him.

SPEAKER_24 1:12:36

I will make a point for it too. It's great to meet you, I think. It's been an honor meeting you. Now, we'd best get back to town. Of course. We have a potential winner here on our hands.

SPEAKER_14 1:12:54

If we jog, we make it there just in time.

SPEAKER_22 1:12:58

You all look like you could use a laugh.

unknown 1:13:01

Yes.

SPEAKER_22 1:13:03

Very much. And she escorts you out of her home, uh, bids you farewell, uh, and you head back into Shadowdale town proper into the old skull for a night.

SPEAKER_10 1:13:33

Wake me up for my meditation right now.

SPEAKER_14 1:13:36

I will if you want. We can be like, ah, she wouldn't want to miss this. She'll be fine.

SPEAKER_12 1:13:41

You can just be She'll be more upset if she misses it.

SPEAKER_14 1:13:43

You'll be in a wheelchair.

unknown 1:13:45

True.

SPEAKER_22 1:13:46

I would say if you want to be woken up halfway through, you can wake up with what you're missing six.

SPEAKER_15 1:13:54

Yes.

SPEAKER_22 1:13:56

You can wake up with three left. So at five strength. So you're still.

SPEAKER_12 1:14:01

We just go back to bed right after.

SPEAKER_10 1:14:15

Okay. That's a highlight.

SPEAKER_12 1:14:19

It sounds like quick draw dropping all the gems. That's great.

SPEAKER_22 1:14:25

I only had the that's gotta be in the all-time highlight. Anyway, you arrive back at Old Skull Inn at about 8 p.m. Um just in time. Did we make it? Joanna is two hours into her rest. Uh, as you barge in, just as it's about to get started, uh, you see the host standing up uh using a magical uh stone to cast his voice kind of sort of like a microphone. No magic. Um just to project the voice so that everyone can hear it. This is a packed house. Oh shit. There is a lot of people here.

SPEAKER_21 1:15:07

The sign-up sheet, the sign-up sheet uh is pretty long. Um there are a lot a lot of participants here.

SPEAKER_18 1:15:15

Um he announces Everybody quiet down, quiet down! If you haven't signed up by now, we'll probably run out of time before you all get in.

SPEAKER_22 1:15:32

Uh, and then he sees uh you guys and goes, Don't worry, I put your names in already.

SPEAKER_21 1:15:43

Dap him up. He's like on stage and he just reaches out Mongo Bungo. Mungo Silverman.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:52

He's a real one. I feel slightly better, but it's still hard to talk about.

SPEAKER_22 1:15:56

So happy to host the new adventurers of Shadowdale Town.

SPEAKER_18 1:16:05

They've been quite busy, but they've still made time to arrive here. Everyone, a round of applause from friends.

SPEAKER_21 1:16:14

I don't need uh And you see, uh, people are like Oh yeah!

SPEAKER_18 1:16:22

Uh um anyway, let's get this thing started. We all know the rules, but I'll go over them again just in case anybody doesn't. Um there are three jars. Our judges will be placing tokens in each jar for each joke.

SPEAKER_22 1:16:43

Whoever's joke gets the most amount of tokens will win. We have three jars, one is for laughs, one is for grounds, and one is for exile. These puns can be focused in any category.

SPEAKER_18 1:16:59

If you are a funny, laughing type of guy, you might win by laughter if you are an egregious, terrible but clever fellow.

SPEAKER_22 1:17:11

You might be exile. Not an actual exile, of course. And if you have a room full of drones, because so stupid that we all cannot deal, but I still love him. Then you might win by that pleasure. Without any further ado, let's get started with our reigning champion. And he uh motions his arms uh out to his left side, and you see the old potion seller hovering. Uh everyone's clapping and laughing, and and uh they're already uh ready. Ready for his next crack. Uh how we will score this is uh everyone does everyone have three dice that they can recognize. Yeah. Red cubes. Um you can for each for each joke, you can put up to three tokens uh in any of the jars. Uh we'll say we are the voting party, so uh the wood will be laughter, the the blue one will be groans, and the black will be exile. Uh if you feel it doesn't really matter where we vote, right? Not necessarily, uh, but it's still fun, a little quick. Um but um if you think it is the funniest putt of all time, you would put three into laughter. If you think it uh if you think it deserves none, you can put none. Uh if we think it's kind of funny, do we put two?

SPEAKER_21 1:19:06

Yeah, it's so it's like a one it's like a one to three stars type thing.

SPEAKER_14 1:19:12

You can put a multiple funny.

SPEAKER_21 1:19:14

Yeah, absolutely. Okay, nice.

SPEAKER_22 1:19:16

So that that's a benefit since you have three, that's kind of the benefit if you if it's kind of funny, kind of groony, and kind of exile-y, then you're securing three right there.

SPEAKER_21 1:19:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_14 1:19:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_22 1:19:30

Or you can go all for funny, all for groan, and but um, yeah, that's kind of how it works. We'll tally up the let me get a piece of paper, we'll tally up the scores after each joke and see who wins. I love it.

SPEAKER_11 1:19:42

Yippee! I couldn't I couldn't think of it. He wrote puns for just his group to hear, but not for anyone else.

SPEAKER_15 1:19:49

Very sweet.

SPEAKER_11 1:19:52

Because in character, he would not want to put all that attention, but he wants to tell puns.

SPEAKER_22 1:19:58

Aww.

SPEAKER_11 1:20:00

That's so funny. He wrote he wrote personal.

SPEAKER_22 1:20:06

Aww. Of course, there's no voting for your own. Uh, so the maximum score we will have is 15 points. Um possible. Uh and we will keep track. Uh, you guys can go multiple times as well. Um if you'd like. If you have multiple, you can go again. Um just uh just say, hey, I want to go next. Uh so the old man steps up, the potion seller that sold you guys some potions, made a quick deal with everybody. Um he goes up.

SPEAKER_20 1:20:46

Well, you know, when I was young, I used to be an adventurer, just like these uh fine fellows down here, and many of you, of course.

SPEAKER_22 1:20:55

Um, so I had to recall in my memory uh a quick story about a druid I was traveling with one day in my party. You know.

SPEAKER_21 1:21:14

He starts to like lose his memory.

SPEAKER_10 1:21:17

Um yes, get off the stage.

SPEAKER_20 1:21:23

Here it was. One time we just had to take his wild shape away. He became unbearable. Oh terrible.

SPEAKER_18 1:21:45

Get your boats in now. Oh shit.

SPEAKER_21 1:21:50

Do we go until we have we're out of tokens? No, you can it's on your own like if you think it only deserves one groan, then that's all you.

SPEAKER_22 1:22:02

The joke is judged on the total score. Uh-huh. So if if you think it deserves three, then then give us. So the next joke we have all of our tokens again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. I got you. Each joke is uh five resources. The wooden one is so bouncy. Okay. Uh somebody tally up that score for me so I can. You just want a total number? Yes.

SPEAKER_20 1:22:25

One, two, three, nine.

SPEAKER_22 1:22:30

Okay. The old man's first joke scores a nine out of a possible fifteen. Pretty good, but not the best. Um. Next up is whoever wants to go. I'll go to the code. Get up there. Get up there.

SPEAKER_14 1:22:45

I'm gonna start off small. I don't want to spoil the game. Of course, of course. Uh hi everybody, uh Yeah, we just uh uh uh rolled into town, of course, and on our way here we came across some goblins. Ooh, in the forest. You hear some booze from the crowd. It was uh pretty scary until we heard the sounds coming from the woods. Much of it sounded like things getting knocked together. Sort of a hollow ringing sound. We peered through some bushes and the goblins were smashing rocks together. Uh we called out. Curious what they were doing, we asked, What are you doing? They called back, we're making rock music.

SPEAKER_22 1:23:55

Sure.

SPEAKER_11 1:23:58

Um Orion tell the peer pressure to exile you, but he thinks that you're genuinely funny, so he gave you two in each. Or he gave you one in each.

SPEAKER_22 1:24:05

Your characters are not actually the voters, but it just vote.

SPEAKER_14 1:24:11

You can also vote. Orion can also vote.

SPEAKER_21 1:24:13

14? 14 mostly in banishment. I mean I'm the only one that didn't put all three into it. No, I'm the only one that didn't put all three into it. Yeah. Wow. These are so nice. Okay, Hodge with a strong 14.

SPEAKER_22 1:24:27

He got two in banishment on his first one. Most of them in exile. Uh next, uh, you see a big burly dragon board. Uh-oh.

SPEAKER_01 1:24:43

Can he go on burly dragons?

SPEAKER_21 1:24:46

Uh he walks up, grab, grabs the microstone.

SPEAKER_09 1:24:52

Microstone!

SPEAKER_20 1:24:58

Hello, can you hear me?

SPEAKER_22 1:25:00

It's just like so loud. It's like shaking the glasses.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:06

Hello! My bones are out.

SPEAKER_20 1:25:08

And and everyone's like, Yes, we can hear we can oh my god, we can hear you! And he goes, Oh, too close, too close. What is a rogue's favorite armor? Hi! Fuck!

SPEAKER_14 1:25:28

That's good. Two in the laughs. Two in the laugh for sure.

SPEAKER_22 1:25:40

That one already.

SPEAKER_21 1:25:44

Okay Giggles! Dragonborn and giggles. Got all laps, only ten.

SPEAKER_06 1:25:51

Oh no!

SPEAKER_12 1:25:53

Oh you want me at Yeah, that drawer just opens. It's um that's gone.

SPEAKER_22 1:26:06

Yes, it does.

SPEAKER_14 1:26:09

What are you looking for?

SPEAKER_22 1:26:10

It's gonna be hard to beat Hodge's first one, uh, but who wants to step up to the plate?

SPEAKER_06 1:26:15

I will.

SPEAKER_22 1:26:16

A emaciated Joanna steps up.

SPEAKER_07 1:26:22

Sorry.

SPEAKER_05 1:26:25

I uh woke myself early out of a much-needed trance for this, I'm sure you can tell.

SPEAKER_14 1:26:33

So dumb.

SPEAKER_05 1:26:37

You me yeah. You meet a lot of people while you're out adventuring, a lot of powerful, helpful people. So, you know, it's real good that the great wizard Elminster is human. Otherwise, he'd have to be called Elfminster.

SPEAKER_21 1:26:53

You hear a couple gasps from the crowd.

SPEAKER_12 1:26:56

Oh, yeah, no jokes about Elminster.

SPEAKER_05 1:26:58

No jokes about Elm?

SPEAKER_12 1:26:59

Yeah, that's a big fucking roll.

SPEAKER_05 1:27:02

That's one of the only rules!

SPEAKER_12 1:27:04

They did say that.

SPEAKER_05 1:27:05

I'll and Dan, whatever.

SPEAKER_02 1:27:09

You hear someone cry out in the crowd, and you hear one guy in the back.

SPEAKER_20 1:27:14

Oh, he's not here. That's not whiskey. That was good.

SPEAKER_11 1:27:22

That's incredible. Woo! Um, Orion wants to banish you.

SPEAKER_02 1:27:28

Again, it's not actually Orion voting.

SPEAKER_10 1:27:32

He just wants to. Yeah. Eight.

SPEAKER_21 1:27:39

Joanna with eight.

SPEAKER_10 1:27:40

Listen, I'll take it. I thought I was gonna get a lot less.

SPEAKER_21 1:27:43

He almost got banished for a little barrens, dude.

SPEAKER_01 1:27:45

Like real banished.

SPEAKER_10 1:27:46

Yeah. I forgot. I just knew the no magic rule. I completely fucking forgot about him.

SPEAKER_13 1:27:51

Uh you guys so fucking funny.

SPEAKER_22 1:27:53

You guys happen genuinely. See like this. Oh, that's mine. Uh You see this very like suave uh bard walk-up with like greased back hair.

SPEAKER_02 1:28:06

He's kind of like he's walking like this. Oh hey everybody.

SPEAKER_03 1:28:13

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 1:28:15

Hey everybody. Thanks for coming out. Oh mama. It's uh it's been fun, you know. Not as fun as one time. Uh I was out questing. My fighter. He got this fancy big, big sword.

SPEAKER_22 1:28:45

I tried to slash this guy who was this guy who was he was talking all crazy to him. I said, hey, use that broadsword on him. He was like, alright. He goes.

SPEAKER_02 1:29:02

Sword just bounces right off him. I forgot to tell him. Broadswords only work on women.

unknown 1:29:11

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_09 1:29:12

Banish!

SPEAKER_02 1:29:16

I'm not giving him any.

SPEAKER_16 1:29:19

He's a little burned. That's so funny.

SPEAKER_01 1:29:22

I just like cracking my knuckles as he like calms down. Dallas is so thrilled with that reaction.

SPEAKER_21 1:29:29

I I most of my jokes are just like uh that one was just broadsword, women.

SPEAKER_12 1:29:39

I suppose I can go. I have one. Just one.

SPEAKER_15 1:29:43

Yes.

SPEAKER_12 1:29:54

I love to go boating on the river, and there was quite the sail on paddles. It is quite the ordeal.

SPEAKER_16 1:30:03

Oh my god. Good job, Mike.

SPEAKER_20 1:30:10

I'm so happy you went up there.

SPEAKER_16 1:30:11

Put that in the ground bucket. I'm proud of it.

SPEAKER_15 1:30:16

I loved it. I loved it.

SPEAKER_14 1:30:22

Uh ten. Oh, not bad, not bad.

SPEAKER_11 1:30:26

Yeah, this is gonna be the entire highlight.

SPEAKER_22 1:30:28

Oh yeah. Amazing. Um I got one. Uh it's gotta be an NPC next. Fuck you! Sorry. Uh thank you. Says who? Uh you see, you see a uh sort of a pretty scrawny uh looks like a very beginner wizard. Um, hello. Um stage nerd.

SPEAKER_21 1:31:00

I got this one from a guy who I met passing by, so if you've heard it before, it's not my fault. I just thought it was a pretty good one.

SPEAKER_12 1:31:10

Poor guy. Um he's good.

SPEAKER_22 1:31:14

Again, I'm not taking credit for this. I'm just passing it along.

SPEAKER_15 1:31:18

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_18 1:31:21

Okay, so okay, so one time I saw a bunch of dwarfs standing around. Uh-oh, it's going to be racist. They were all everything they had on was backwards. And then I realized. That's not a dwarf. That's a fraud.

SPEAKER_01 1:31:57

Oh my god!

SPEAKER_21 1:31:59

And then he sees the he sees the silence and then he writes down the warp and flips it around and holds it up.

SPEAKER_09 1:32:04

And then, oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_12 1:32:12

Oh yes, I see.

SPEAKER_14 1:32:15

That was good.

SPEAKER_02 1:32:15

Oh, I'll give him uh I'll give him a little bit.

SPEAKER_14 1:32:17

I am genuinely worried some of these are gonna get so wild when they come up because I feel like some of mine are so obvious.

SPEAKER_22 1:32:22

Uh Hodge, you would recognize he might have copied that joke from your brother.

SPEAKER_21 1:32:33

We love spelling things backwards. We're gonna. Uh was that four total? Oh no.

SPEAKER_10 1:32:39

Spell things backwards is your friend's thing.

SPEAKER_21 1:32:41

I did not.

SPEAKER_10 1:32:42

I liked it.

SPEAKER_21 1:32:43

Seven. Seven for the old children.

SPEAKER_11 1:32:47

The young child scrawny wizard. That's right. Can I can I say something else on MPC?

SPEAKER_22 1:32:53

Young whiz. Yeah.

SPEAKER_11 1:32:55

Is that a rival?

SPEAKER_22 1:32:56

Yes.

SPEAKER_11 1:33:00

Okay now?

SPEAKER_22 1:33:02

Short.

SPEAKER_11 1:33:03

Okay. I didn't really write them.

SPEAKER_22 1:33:04

Alright, well, if you don't want them now.

SPEAKER_11 1:33:06

No, it's okay.

SPEAKER_22 1:33:07

Okay. No, it's okay.

SPEAKER_11 1:33:09

One time, I was passing a goblin, and he got he was eating something. And I said, Goblin, what are you eating? Goblin! Please are nuts!

SPEAKER_20 1:33:27

What the fuck? Who is that?

SPEAKER_14 1:33:31

Oh my god. Who was that? That's a major one in the front. One no banishment. One in front, one in banishment for sure.

SPEAKER_09 1:33:41

That's funny. Next door, I saw a dragon.

SPEAKER_20 1:33:46

You're going again?

SPEAKER_09 1:33:47

Yeah. It's the same joke. It's the same joke. And then something was tracking on the floor. So then I realized it was part. Oh my god, he's dragging these nuts.

SPEAKER_12 1:34:01

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_09 1:34:03

Oh bad!

SPEAKER_12 1:34:06

It was not. He's nuts.

SPEAKER_11 1:34:10

I thought you I couldn't say those out in character.

SPEAKER_14 1:34:13

Orion telling that joke, I would have been fucking rolled. Did we get account for that one? I would have lost my mind. It was the same joke. It was a continuation. Yeah.

SPEAKER_15 1:34:22

It's a two-parter.

SPEAKER_14 1:34:23

I'm throwing food at her. Okay.

SPEAKER_22 1:34:25

Since we'll I guess we'll count that as an NPC, so I think Hodge wanted to go next. Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 1:34:29

Yeah. I only had the one.

SPEAKER_22 1:34:30

Okay.

SPEAKER_10 1:34:32

I was so proud of it.

SPEAKER_14 1:34:33

You know, that guy was talking about swords. Um god. You come across a lot of swords when you're adventuring. Uh we found this uh really beautiful sword once. Uh it took two hands to hold. Uh lots of intricate designs over. I'm pretty sure it was magic. I don't know anything about swords. I'm just a wizard, so I uh took it to uh a smith in town, and I, you know, he was no help at all. I was trying to ask him what sword it was. He just kept complimenting me. I had had to leave there. Uh all he kept saying over and over again was great sword, great sword, and you know, I didn't know what he meant, so I just hit him out.

SPEAKER_11 1:35:15

Grown Which one was that, Becca?

SPEAKER_21 1:35:21

Grown is the four.

SPEAKER_11 1:35:22

I like that one. Amazing. That was funny. That was a good one. Let's count him up. Let's count them up.

SPEAKER_16 1:35:28

That's your baby. Oh, yep. That's my job.

SPEAKER_09 1:35:31

One, two. You probably just wanted to.

SPEAKER_12 1:35:33

Alright, I have one more in the chamber. It's hard to beat. One more in the chamber here.

SPEAKER_11 1:35:38

I like that. I think we knew from the second this was introduced that Hodge's gonna win.

SPEAKER_14 1:35:44

Got any more?

SPEAKER_21 1:35:45

Yeah, I got I got so many. I'm just trying to decide which ones, because if you guys are running out, I don't want to do that. I got one more in the chamber.

SPEAKER_22 1:35:52

Well, let me let me do more as well. I'll I'll do two, and then you can go.

SPEAKER_09 1:35:57

Uh I had to say it, I thought I was gonna do one. You uh had to say it.

SPEAKER_22 1:36:06

You see, the town barber uh walks up. Uh uh. Howdy, hey there, fellas.

SPEAKER_09 1:36:15

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_22 1:36:16

Um I know I I see some of you need some haircuts.

SPEAKER_20 1:36:20

I'm looking around and I see a bunch of long hair out there.

SPEAKER_22 1:36:24

You know where I'm at.

SPEAKER_00 1:36:25

Don't let him touch my hair.

SPEAKER_22 1:36:27

Anyways, anyways, anyways. Uh, you know, one time, uh I don't go on too many adventures, but a lot of my customers they do. Um one time, this guy started casting magic. Started summoning something. Stuff started floating. I was like, hey man, you can't do that here. He's like, it's alright. I'm just making some hair elementals.

SPEAKER_11 1:36:58

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_10 1:37:03

I no, I'm giving you nothing for that.

SPEAKER_22 1:37:06

That's fair.

SPEAKER_10 1:37:09

Wait, I might have another one.

SPEAKER_21 1:37:11

Four.

SPEAKER_22 1:37:15

Uh alright.

unknown 1:37:16

I don't know.

SPEAKER_22 1:37:17

Alright, uh, I think I'll go one more time. Yes, I guess.

SPEAKER_00 1:37:21

I might I might I might have another one.

SPEAKER_11 1:37:23

That one's yours? Oh, I'm sorry, I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_12 1:37:25

Alright, uh No I'm not. So I am uh not me. A not me. A uh a bear walks into a tavern and orders a drink, says to the barkeeper, I'll have an ale. With lemon. And the barkeep says, Why the big paws? And the bear says, I was born with them.

SPEAKER_16 1:37:59

Uh put two in the groan for me.

SPEAKER_13 1:38:06

Beck is always making some kind of noise.

SPEAKER_10 1:38:13

Becca. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_12 1:38:16

Ten. Uh I ten both times. Let's go. Not bad, not bad.

SPEAKER_16 1:38:25

Sorry, I say your name like that. I don't know why.

SPEAKER_12 1:38:27

I don't think I could beat Hodge. He's too good.

SPEAKER_22 1:38:35

Uh you see another dragonborn walk up. Uh, this one a bit smaller and green.

SPEAKER_02 1:38:43

Uh a little green.

SPEAKER_16 1:38:47

First time's off stage.

SPEAKER_20 1:38:56

Um so apparently the blood of mine flares is a powerful alchemical reagent.

SPEAKER_21 1:39:28

The problem is it's illegal to carry. You see, nobody wants to be arrested for the possession of an elitid substance.

SPEAKER_16 1:39:40

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_08 1:39:57

I like that one. That was good. With uh with the list and everything. Yeah.

SPEAKER_14 1:40:03

Eleven. Wow. I did all three.

SPEAKER_11 1:40:08

I did two. Oh my god. I liked it.

SPEAKER_22 1:40:10

Wow, we're gonna be a good one.

SPEAKER_21 1:40:13

Does anyone else have any more?

SPEAKER_11 1:40:15

I might have one.

SPEAKER_21 1:40:16

Uh then I might go I'll I'll go with another one real quick.

SPEAKER_22 1:40:20

Uh just because I have so many, I don't want to like go at the end and do like a bunch. Fair. Uh you see a cleric walks up. Um he has these illustrious white robes on, this long grey beard. Normally, we don't do this sort of thing in the church. But boring. I thought I'd participate. I came up with one as I was walking by here. You know, I saw myself in the reflection of the windows. And I thought to myself, why do clerics wear white robes? Oh dear. To spare the dying.

SPEAKER_01 1:41:15

Joanna.

SPEAKER_11 1:41:19

You'll get one left. That's directly from Joanna.

SPEAKER_14 1:41:23

That's a good joke. That's a good joke. Joanna. I don't get one. This will get dying. They're white, so you don't have to die. Oh. Okay, got it.

SPEAKER_06 1:41:34

That's not good. That's really good.

SPEAKER_14 1:41:37

Four. Uh five.

SPEAKER_12 1:41:41

Okay, for the five, sorry. Okay, one more, one last one. It was five.

SPEAKER_20 1:41:45

Yeah. Damn. You guys suck.

SPEAKER_12 1:41:48

One last one. This is not going to get a lot of here, but it is animal related. Uh. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.

SPEAKER_15 1:42:03

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_20 1:42:07

Sorry, I'm not going to be able to get it.

SPEAKER_12 1:42:10

Yes, this is great.

SPEAKER_14 1:42:17

Seven. Steam bunny. Yes, I'm done. I got one? Once you want to go as a few years.

SPEAKER_21 1:42:24

I want to go as an empty state. Just to just to take some pressure off you guys.

SPEAKER_11 1:42:30

Don't pretend like this wasn't just for you.

SPEAKER_21 1:42:32

Yeah, I don't.

SPEAKER_13 1:42:34

I'm helping you.

SPEAKER_11 1:42:35

This wasn't just for you.

unknown 1:42:39

Just.

SPEAKER_11 1:42:41

That's good.

SPEAKER_06 1:42:42

No.

SPEAKER_22 1:42:46

You see just this this commoner. He's got kind of this long mushy uh long mushy mustache.

SPEAKER_20 1:42:57

Bushy mushy mushy muh. He say, hey, you got off the stage. Hey, put the pants off. Good lord.

SPEAKER_16 1:43:11

Bushy musk.

SPEAKER_02 1:43:12

Bushy mustache. Jesus Christ. Imagine fumbling that hard. Hey, uh. You ever hear why uh? Let me stomp that over.

SPEAKER_18 1:43:30

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm nervous.

SPEAKER_02 1:43:36

I just don't want to get in trouble for this one.

SPEAKER_18 1:43:40

First of all, is there any necromancers out in the crowd tonight?

SPEAKER_02 1:43:46

Okay, good.

SPEAKER_21 1:43:50

Why are necromancers racist? Oh. This is gonna go very well.

SPEAKER_17 1:43:56

Take the air out of the room with that one.

SPEAKER_21 1:44:00

Well, I heard they're white supremacists.

SPEAKER_14 1:44:04

White as in the W-I-G-H-T. Oh my god.

unknown 1:44:09

No.

SPEAKER_15 1:44:10

No. That gets nothing.

SPEAKER_02 1:44:13

Fuck that guy. I knew I shouldn't have come up here. Get off the stage, get off the stage.

SPEAKER_12 1:44:22

Alright, Hodge.

SPEAKER_11 1:44:23

Um, I have one. I have one more.

SPEAKER_12 1:44:26

We uh I think Orion should do this one.

SPEAKER_14 1:44:29

I uh was uh walking past a temple the other day, and I uh uh wanted to go in and say a little prayer. Um but the doors were locked. Couldn't get in. Uh and I guess it was uh all bunch of gnomish monks uh meditating in there. I I only think so because I just heard them saying gnome.

SPEAKER_16 1:45:06

That goes in happy. That goes in happy.

SPEAKER_09 1:45:10

Yep, yep, yep.

SPEAKER_11 1:45:14

Banish. Mine's gonna get me banished. I do have a problem. I have one more.

SPEAKER_05 1:45:19

Actual banishment, but it's fine. But I came up with one more mob and sitting here.

SPEAKER_22 1:45:24

Okay, nice. Um my god.

SPEAKER_10 1:45:28

All of them are in the banishment.

SPEAKER_22 1:45:30

You see a uh you see a soldier walk up. One time we were sent into a vast cave.

SPEAKER_23 1:45:53

Our mission was a frightful one.

SPEAKER_22 1:45:59

They sent us to kill a hydra. The only problem was we couldn't find it. Hydra.

unknown 1:46:15

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 1:46:16

No.

SPEAKER_22 1:46:20

Okay, anyway.

SPEAKER_08 1:46:21

Oh my god. It's just you not knowing how to pronounce words.

SPEAKER_21 1:46:24

Hide joke. Is that zero?

SPEAKER_14 1:46:28

That's your second high joke. That's your second high joke.

SPEAKER_05 1:46:31

I I came up with another one sitting here.

SPEAKER_14 1:46:33

Do you need someone to like puppeteer you up there? I'm slightly more zero is crazy.

SPEAKER_16 1:46:43

Everyone hated you. Hydra! Joanna. Joanna, we're going to kill.

SPEAKER_05 1:46:51

I don't know if anybody's gonna even understand this, but it made me laugh. So while we've been here adventuring, like like they said when we got here, we're the we're the new party in town. Um part of Thank you! Um part of why I'm out here is to uh learn more about my god, I'm cleric. Um, much like you, sir, and to point at the one who just made the joke. But everyone I talked to, I I just couldn't stop talking about him enough to actually get any information or ask my questions. So I I guess I should have talked about Nara less.

SPEAKER_16 1:47:28

Wow. Oh that was good, Jonah. Who's that? Exactly! Who is that? Exactly! I like that one.

SPEAKER_21 1:47:45

Technically doesn't count because one of the rules, the other rules was that three locals have to understand the joke.

unknown 1:47:51

Oh, what?

SPEAKER_05 1:47:51

There's a cleric. He understands I'm talking about a guy. They understand I'm a cleric.

SPEAKER_21 1:47:56

That's all from the fucking planet.

SPEAKER_05 1:47:57

Nice, I'll take it.

SPEAKER_21 1:47:58

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 1:47:59

I got two eights. Two eights. I'm happy with that.

SPEAKER_22 1:48:01

Um did Leo and Chris Abstronn. Hey, yo! Got two eights.

SPEAKER_11 1:48:13

You got one?

SPEAKER_22 1:48:15

Uh you see a little girl walks up.

SPEAKER_03 1:48:18

Oh.

SPEAKER_19 1:48:23

Hello. My daddy let me stay up past my bedtime so I could do this one.

SPEAKER_12 1:48:31

You all better vote for her swell.

SPEAKER_19 1:48:33

She's gonna kill us.

SPEAKER_14 1:48:38

What time I can't even take myself seriously.

SPEAKER_19 1:48:50

In the baby voice. One time.

SPEAKER_09 1:49:02

One time.

SPEAKER_02 1:49:06

It's not even a good one either. Oh, brother.

SPEAKER_19 1:49:11

One time we were weeding about a story. And I said, Daddy. What's the what's the animal that you told me about? It's like a willy soft bear. You go You can cuddle with it and wrap it around you. And he said, No. I said, owl bear, not towel bear.

SPEAKER_01 1:50:04

I'll give him a symmetry. Good job, little buddy. You're so cute.

SPEAKER_07 1:50:10

Good job, child.

SPEAKER_22 1:50:14

Okay, I've got one more that's even more work pit.

SPEAKER_02 1:50:17

Oh right. Actually, I mean I've got a couple more that I can say, but they're not gonna be funny.

SPEAKER_22 1:50:22

Absolutely. Great. Ryan, are you going up there?

SPEAKER_14 1:50:26

I think I have one.

SPEAKER_12 1:50:27

Orion can go for it. Oh actual Orion?

SPEAKER_11 1:50:30

Actual Orion.

SPEAKER_12 1:50:31

Let's go. Everybody cheer, really. Yes, of course.

SPEAKER_11 1:50:34

Hello. Hi! Orion. You know, where I'm from, there's a popular vampire who has a ritual of kissing his victims next before he drains them and then raises their bodies. He's an infamous necromancer.

SPEAKER_14 1:50:53

Oh Orion, that was great! Say that again. The last the bunch line was what?

SPEAKER_05 1:50:59

Necromancer. Romancer.

SPEAKER_14 1:51:02

Oh fuck. Very good Orion. I saw you. You were about to put it to the spit. Get out! Oh, that was a fat one. Very good Orion.

SPEAKER_01 1:51:15

We're so proud of you. 1213. Are you sick?

SPEAKER_14 1:51:19

14!

SPEAKER_01 1:51:20

No fucking way.

SPEAKER_14 1:51:21

Nice. For Orion.

SPEAKER_11 1:51:24

You guys are tired.

SPEAKER_14 1:51:25

We have to.

SPEAKER_11 1:51:26

They have to fist fight. Yeah. Fun fact one of my Discord Discord names is the Necromancer. The Necromancer69 L O L. And it's spelled N-E-C-K. Romancer. Yeah. God, I did not get that out.

SPEAKER_21 1:51:38

Was I the only one that put didn't put in three that time again? I put yeah, I think so. I put in three.

SPEAKER_09 1:51:43

Oh, thanks. For Orion.

SPEAKER_21 1:51:45

There's a hidden one in the box.

SPEAKER_22 1:51:47

Um, okay.

SPEAKER_09 1:51:48

He just like walks off with the floor.

SPEAKER_22 1:51:50

Does anyone else have any more except for Hodge? No. Okay, so I'll I'll do two and then we'll have Hodge finish it off. There you go. Uh you see a Tiefling walk up.

SPEAKER_02 1:52:04

I know a lot of you have heard rumors about tieflings. Some bad, some good. Most bad.

SPEAKER_22 1:52:16

But one of the worst ones, somebody came over with a helmet on. And I said, why do you have a helmet on? You're in my home. I was going to offer you tea. And they said, that's exactly what I'm worried about. What? I think. Tea fling. Oh god.

SPEAKER_13 1:52:59

Tea fling.

SPEAKER_20 1:53:01

I've heard you guys throw teapots. So bad. Uh five. Nice. Get out.

SPEAKER_07 1:53:15

Oh, that's crazy. You're not too short to reach that.

SPEAKER_22 1:53:18

Alright. Last one from me, and then we'll do hodge. Big hmm. Which one do I want to do?

SPEAKER_21 1:53:26

There's one really bad one, and then one kind of good one. And then three really bad three other really bad ones. I'm doing you, man.

SPEAKER_22 1:53:33

I've got one, two, three, four, five, six. I've got six more, so. Jesus Christ. I'm gonna I'll do the good one.

SPEAKER_15 1:53:41

Okay.

SPEAKER_22 1:53:41

And if I don't get votes good, I'll be real mad again. Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 1:53:46

Uh-huh. Ready?

SPEAKER_22 1:53:49

Uh you see um a young woman uh walk up to the stage very confident. One time this guy is trying to mac on me. Good lord.

SPEAKER_02 1:54:20

Maybe it shouldn't be a girl, actually. Okay. It's not a girl. It's not a girl, it's not a girl.

SPEAKER_17 1:54:25

What are you gonna say?

SPEAKER_02 1:54:28

One time I was macking on this girl. Don't need to re only to say this. Man box.

SPEAKER_22 1:54:38

You see that uh, you see this uh maybe it maybe it can be the suave guy again. He sucked. The suave guy walks off his greased hair back.

unknown 1:54:50

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 1:54:51

Greased hair. Hello, hello. Welcome back to me. Oh my god. One time I was macking on this sweet little cleric girl. Oh no. Yeah, you know they love to worship.

SPEAKER_11 1:55:08

Oh Joanna's like cringing it. Orion's staring brightly at you. Because he knows it makes fun.

SPEAKER_22 1:55:23

I said hey. What's it take to get you on your knee?

SPEAKER_02 1:55:41

And she looked a little weak.

SPEAKER_22 1:55:45

So she said, Here, take my mace. I put my hand out. I thought she was gonna hand me a weapon.

SPEAKER_02 1:55:55

Instead I get a burning liquid in my eyes. Deserved.

SPEAKER_20 1:56:03

Ouch. That was a good one. Ouch, I said. I've tried to make it bad, but music this fucking. Yeah, it was horrible.

SPEAKER_12 1:56:22

Does mace exist in the world? No. Does rock and roll for rock music?

SPEAKER_21 1:56:29

Alright. Screw you guys.

SPEAKER_01 1:56:34

Don't just tell me how I don't like mace.

SPEAKER_21 1:56:38

Is that another zero for him?

SPEAKER_22 1:56:40

Wait, no, he had five that was.

SPEAKER_21 1:56:41

He's not allowed to do it.

SPEAKER_22 1:56:43

The soldier got zero.

SPEAKER_01 1:56:44

Oh. Finish yourself with a bag. Make that guy fall off the stage with my command if I have to. Next time he goes up, grobble. We both command grovling.

SPEAKER_14 1:56:59

I came all the way here from Waterdeep. Oof. Oh, yes, quite a journey across the desert. But if you know anything about Waterdeep, you know it's full of wizards, and us wizards love to get together at conventions and workshopping events, that sort of thing. Compare spells. So there was this big wizard convention coming into town, but it had all these rules. You had to get special robes, so we you know, special robes, so I go to the uh local tailor, and apparently no one else had the ropes because there was this massive line for the robes. Um I waited in that line all day. All day I'm waiting in this line. I get to know quite a few wizards in this line actually. Uh some interesting folks. One man uh specialized in blue fire, the other one in uh uh growing plants quickly. It was very interesting, but I'm in this line all day. Eventually, I get through the line, I get my robes, I think I'm good. They also required that I get a bird. A bird! Do you have any idea? The demand that was put on our local aviary. Again, I go to the aviary, a line around the block. I am in this line all day. Waiting and waiting and waiting to get access to a bird. I end up getting this scrawny little pigeon. Uh, one of the last things they had in stock. Today, wizard! I'm getting to it.

SPEAKER_12 1:58:28

The buildup is insane.

SPEAKER_14 1:58:30

This bird was so scraggly, nasty little thing. It was coughing the whole time I had it, and I even just rented it.

SPEAKER_01 1:58:38

Uh bird.

SPEAKER_14 1:58:39

And you know, no wizard is complete without a hat, which was on the list, of course, a requirement being that I have a great hat. So uh the hatter uh who was insane, um very slow uh to get through uh his long line as well of folks waiting to uh get a hat that day. I'm waiting forever, and you know, I get to the convention finally with all these things I have, line, of course, waiting that line uh for over an hour before I'm even able to enter into the convention. I get there, I talk to some wizards, we compare spells, I show them my spell book, they show me theirs. I'm feeling thirsty by the end of it. Uh, you know, I I see that they have uh uh a magical uh uh you know punch pole over there, so um, and once you know it, uh you know, as I'm gonna get a drink, there's no punchline. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_16 1:59:36

All three banishment.

SPEAKER_14 1:59:38

Oh carry mean throw me out.

SPEAKER_12 1:59:44

That was too good, Hodge. I was like, that's even good.

SPEAKER_22 1:59:50

Well, we have a tie at 14. Unless Orion has another.

SPEAKER_20 1:59:55

Oh Hodge would be the winner. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_14 1:59:59

Uh my point total. Yeah, sure. Yeah.

SPEAKER_11 2:00:06

One second.

SPEAKER_21 2:00:08

I'll go again, I guess. I'll give some more bad ones that we have.

SPEAKER_14 2:00:16

Dallas is the white marble ones, right?

SPEAKER_21 2:00:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_14 2:00:19

There's three. Oh, you give me three! Dallas.

SPEAKER_22 2:00:26

Um You see uh the old man walks up again.

SPEAKER_12 2:00:36

Potions hell up. Hello again.

SPEAKER_22 2:00:45

Why is he scared?

SPEAKER_15 2:00:47

Yes.

SPEAKER_22 2:00:48

He's just check that's how he checks the mic. Instead of tapping on it, he just goes. Oh when I first came to this land and was learning a bit about magic, I was sent on an adventure with a mysterious person.

SPEAKER_23 2:01:17

I didn't quite know them very well.

SPEAKER_20 2:01:23

And here I was confused about what we were even adventuring for.

SPEAKER_22 2:01:34

Imagine me confused about anything.

SPEAKER_20 2:01:37

Yeah, that's funny. That's not a joke, huh? I thought we were looking for a war key. Turns out we were looking for a war lock.

SPEAKER_03 2:01:55

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_11 2:02:04

I like my it landed in the end of your day's lecture.

SPEAKER_14 2:02:11

Ten. That was the ten.

unknown 2:02:13

Okay.

SPEAKER_11 2:02:15

I don't actually have another one. I actually ended up just changing my ice one for later. I'm very excited for that. It's a little less expensive.

SPEAKER_13 2:02:24

We were planning on a few kickees.

SPEAKER_11 2:02:26

I I feel like he might take a fence too, even though it's Yeah, you never know. Dear one.

SPEAKER_12 2:02:33

You don't have to change it. Half four. I thought he was half spoon.

SPEAKER_11 2:02:39

What?

SPEAKER_22 2:02:41

Yeah, I'd throw that one in there. Amazing. So, our final tally. Uh, everyone tallies up the votes.

SPEAKER_18 2:02:51

Well, wouldn't you know it? One of our adventures, uh new fresh faces in this town is our winner!

SPEAKER_14 2:03:01

Oh, please, all the applause, hold the applause. I create my illusion.

SPEAKER_18 2:03:08

Would you come up and claim your prize? Yes, yes. Yes, please. Yay!

SPEAKER_09 2:03:15

Well done, Hodge!

SPEAKER_12 2:03:16

Excellent work.

SPEAKER_18 2:03:17

Hodge, hard, harge! How did you come up with so many great jokes?

SPEAKER_20 2:03:29

A wizard never gives away his secrets.

SPEAKER_18 2:03:34

Yes, yes, yes, we all know, yes, we all know. Well, whatever, I guess I'll let the bit never get to the bottom of it. Anyway, if not. Here's your prize.

SPEAKER_22 2:03:48

He hands you uh ten gold.

SPEAKER_14 2:03:52

Nice.

SPEAKER_22 2:03:53

Uh as well as free drink tokens for the week. Nice!

SPEAKER_14 2:03:59

Very nice.

SPEAKER_18 2:04:02

Oh, we get shit face! Drink your own beer. Well, that it doesn't extend to anyone else, unfortunately. That would put me out of business, but ah yes! Next round's on hard. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Yay! And with that, that concludes these old crackers for this week. And this week. Next week. Our theme mountains! Oh god. What? Mountains?

SPEAKER_14 2:04:33

That sounds hard. Oh yeah. Alright, we're coming back. This is the game now. We live in Baldwin Town.

SPEAKER_20 2:04:49

Mountains can be funny.

SPEAKER_18 2:04:52

I think they're hilarious. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_05 2:04:58

Wherever we are, we gotta go.

SPEAKER_18 2:05:00

Yep. But in all seriousness, the theme is not mountains, that would be ridiculous. Our theme next week. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_15 2:05:06

Oh.

SPEAKER_18 2:05:07

What? Misleading much.

SPEAKER_15 2:05:09

Already.

SPEAKER_18 2:05:12

Is as one of you already started. These nuts jokes. No.

SPEAKER_24 2:05:25

The joke is thieves full of thieves.

SPEAKER_16 2:05:29

No, you can't take fancy thieves. It's not yours. You felt party whole.

SPEAKER_22 2:05:36

And with that, the party now whole. We spent 40 minutes doing it. The party now whole and healthy and uh their place of rest. I gotta go back together. Pretty much.

SPEAKER_11 2:05:49

You guys all must go to bed, but I uh something I've been working on that I would like to share with all of you.

SPEAKER_15 2:05:56

Yes, of course.

SPEAKER_11 2:06:01

This is my friend Ike. I've seen his room. It's very clean. Almost obsessively so. It's very well organized. I haven't thought about Ike headers a little bit.

SPEAKER_12 2:06:18

I will I admire the creativity. Oh, thank you. This is very good, Orion.

SPEAKER_11 2:06:23

Um, this is my friend Ike, he's a druid. Once again, you're my friend who loves to whittle. I love to watch that druid craft. You should have given me a run from my money.

SPEAKER_12 2:06:40

Excellent around you. You should have seen that one.

SPEAKER_11 2:06:46

I didn't think that they would understand it. Oh, I think they would have. I do. I do have other ones. I have one for each of you, I have two for Ike. Val and I have been sparring quite a bit. She won a few too many times. And when I got frustrated, I shouted, You are the bane of my existence.

unknown 2:07:06

Oh.

SPEAKER_14 2:07:07

Definitely a little troublesome.

SPEAKER_01 2:07:10

She starts crying.

SPEAKER_11 2:07:15

No, it was funny. I had that before I knew what was gonna happen today. Part of making the same joke. Podge made a moving image of it. He called it an illusion.

SPEAKER_05 2:07:28

That will go in the groan ball.

SPEAKER_11 2:07:31

Alright, Joanna. Oh god. Joanna gave me a pamphlet of her god. I wish there was more on it, but it was Nera list.

SPEAKER_12 2:07:41

Alright, very good, yes. Very nice, all right.

SPEAKER_11 2:07:46

Alright, I'll do good with you.

SPEAKER_22 2:07:47

Uh everyone heads off to bed. And that is where we're going to end our session. Excellent job, Orion.

SPEAKER_11 2:07:56

I've had this for two weeks.

SPEAKER_22 2:07:58

What a wild series of events. Seriously. Jesus.

SPEAKER_09 2:08:04

I'm back to my eighth strength. Let's go.

SPEAKER_22 2:08:07

Yeah, isn't that lovely?

SPEAKER_09 2:08:09

That was crazy.

SPEAKER_21 2:08:10

Starting with very tense. And then very emotional and then terrible puns. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 2:08:20

Uh I think amazing puns.

SPEAKER_14 2:08:22

Great work, everyone. No one really double dipped, which I was actually worried that someone was gonna like have the same idea. Especially because I had like 20.

SPEAKER_21 2:08:30

So these two. I mean there's that one since you're gonna be able to do that. Uh I was going for more uh I wanted to fill I didn't wanted to fill it. Yeah, of course.

SPEAKER_22 2:08:40

So uh the two that I didn't say uh was one about grassy gnolls uh who are just gnolls dressed in full camo.

unknown 2:08:51

That's so important.

SPEAKER_21 2:08:53

Um and then something about a horny helmet. Like a horn as a helmet.

SPEAKER_22 2:08:59

Uh a horn or a helmet with a bunch of horns. No, the tieflings, they throw teapots. That's fine.

SPEAKER_20 2:09:08

A lot of them I ended early because I thought you guys would get them. And then I was like.

SPEAKER_05 2:09:13

Some of them I did get, and others, I was frantically like, what? Thanks so much for tuning in to the Chaotic Naturals Podcast. You can find us on all of our socials at Chaotic Naturals or send us an email to chaotic naturalspod at gmail.com. New episodes of the Dale Lands every Wednesday. Find us wherever you listen to podcasts.